"This Is Mine"

"God I cant do this. I just have this gut feeling, this feeling of life and the real world, people change…circumstances change…my God you never change. You are holding my heart right now aren’t you? What do you think of my faith? Do you think its childish, selfish, completely rooted in finding your ultimate will as opposed to seeking you in the daily things. God I cant breath. I’m just waiting to be rejected. This Iran trip is good, it will give me something to pursue. I need backup plans, I need something God! I need to know your will! What am I doing at Johnson! I absolutely hate the school, I feel like I have lost myself in the academic mold of whoever the hell I’m supposed to be. I used to be wild and free, now im just institutionalized. I hardly read the books, they are SO boring! I want to dance, I want to act on stage, I want to travel the bazaar of Cairo and strip naked on a nude beach in Brazil. Love is too painful. How could you love us? We turn our backs against you, we are liars, thieves, hypocrites!!! Oh my God….make me real, I pray your light shine through me, I NEED your strength right now, make me courageous. Live in courageous."