Conscientious Objector Packet Essays

b. Training and belief

(1) Specific Statement: I am requesting discharge and classification as a conscientious objector 1-0.

(2) Nature of Beliefs: I believe that the whole world belongs to God. Every creature is a product of his creation, and therefore possesses intrinsic value beyond human understanding. Because I uphold the worth of humanity, as God’s “good” creation, I value all life. Life is God’s gift to every human being; I do not believe it is the right of any man or woman to take that life from another human being. I believe God is the only true judge of good and evil- it is not a responsibility that falls on humanity. Therefore, I do not believe it is the right of any man or woman, based upon the judgment of the measure of evil in another human being, to determine the final course of action for that human being’s life. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and my belief in him binds me to model my life after the life he lived on this earth. Jesus said “if someone slaps you on the cheek, turn your other cheek to him as well.” Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Jesus said “no greater love is this, then if you would lay down your life for another.” I believe that if you truly love someone, you will be willing to promote that individual’s best interest at the risk of self-sacrifice. My faith in God compels me to lay down my weapon as an act of protection for those who cannot defend themselves.

(3) Development of Beliefs: I joined the U.S Army at 18 years old because my belief in God has always lead me to do something for the greater cause of humanity. I dedicated my life to helping people in need through voluntary military service, and anticipated overseas deployments in which I could experience new cultures and languages.

Basic Training was complete culture shock- nothing less than I expected it to be. The U.S began the occupation of Iraq while I was in my third week of training. The Drill Sergeants would scream, “We’re training you to kill those damn towel heads.” I believed in God’s love for the so-called “enemy” we were training to kill. Despite the comments offensiveness, my beliefs never crystallized about becoming or being a CO. I did not even know what a CO was; I was focused on finishing the initial training and getting to my permanent duty station.

After Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training, I went to Johnson Bible College where I majored in Bible, theology, and missions. The military, during my years in college, became a great source of personal pride. My college and church were very supportive of the military and the war in Iraq. I was approached by two Command Sergeant Majors and two Officers to consider getting a direct commission as a chaplain because of my religious studies. I turned the offer down on all occasions because I felt that my vocation lied elsewhere than long term with the military, although I quickly advanced within the ranks of my unit because of my meritorious service. At this point I did not see my service to country conflicting with my religious beliefs. I continued to offer support to soldiers by coordinating chapel services with the student preaching majors from my college on drill weekends. I enjoyed the Warrior Task Training with my unit every year because it was bold and adventurous compared to the laborious office work that plagued my section every month. To me, the training was like a game of laser tag or paintball.

The turning point came earlier this year at my unit’s Warrior Task Training at Fort McClellan, AL from May 14th to 18th. I could no longer keep my composure when I started to realize that the targets we are training to fire at represent actual fathers, sons, daughters, wives, husbands, best friends, human beings. I escaped the reality of what we were training for by “having fun” to numb the pain. On two of the evenings that week I went out and drank exceedingly over the limit of what I can handle. My CSM was very disappointed in the display of my character not only as an NCO, but also as a person of faith. We talked about it, but I was not honest with him about the motivations for my wild behavior- how could I be honest with him if I was not even honest with myself or God? I came home cold and bitter, until I heard a sermon preached by a visiting priest at Sacred Heart, the Catholic Church I attend in Camden, NJ. He spoke about love casting out fear, violence, and war. I finally broke down into tears and a trusted friend revealed to me a truth they had been holding onto for a month. My friend said, “You always told me that you could stay in the military as a person of faith because it did not affect you, but the truth is that it does affect you, it has changed you.” It was this WTT training in May 2007 that crystallized my beliefs of being a CO.

(4) When These Beliefs Become Incompatible with Combatant Service and Why: My beliefs did not become incompatible with Combatant Service until recently. I went to a conference in January 2007 to network with relief organizations I wanted to work for after my time of service ended in the military. I was watching an informational video of a particular organization’s field teams in Iraq, when I had a rather embarrassing PTSD moment that interrupted their presentation. I cried out, “how can anyone like me help these people, I am a trained killer!” I left the conference believing I would be a lifetime slave to the military industrial complex, and vowed to volunteer for immediate deployment to Iraq.

The very first drill weekend after that conference, January 6-7, 2007, I marched into my CSM’s office and told him of my desire to deploy to Iraq. I said I’d like to possibly switch into Civil Affairs or look into becoming an Arabic linguist. He immediately took me to the 489th Civil Affairs unit that was drilling next door so they could provide me with accurate information about the MOS. I expected Civil Affairs to be the humanitarian aid side of the military. I was, however, surprised to find out that it wasn’t simply just meeting people’s needs; it was about working with the local Iraqi people to comply with the “Commanders intent.” Out my love and concern for the people, I could endanger the lives of fellow soldiers. I started having nightmares about disobeying the orders of my superiors and approaching civilians- women in need and children that cried to be held.

All of the mental confusion from Basic Training that I had forgotten came rushing back. I still wanted to deploy, but not without understanding what I was deploying into. I decided to commit the last semester of my senior year at Johnson to studying war, not only the current events occurring in Iraq, but God’s view on war and the application it had to me. I wanted to know how a person of faith could serve as a soldier. I sought out answers from professors and friends at school- and under their advice read several books on the Christian Just War Theory. After much debate and estrangement with the principals taught at my College, I realized I was on my own in my beliefs. Nothing in mind justifies taking human life, and there is an abundance of injustice for Iraqi civilians in this war our Government is waging. I was beginning to question my existence in the military- searching deep into the motivations for why I joined in the first place. I still wanted to stay with the military, to honor my commitment and not give in to the abandonment of something because is challenging to my belief system. I do think, however, that once the very institution I am a part of is contradictory to my personal identity as a person of faith, it is not just my choice to leave that entity. It is a command to obey all that God asks me to be, or not to be.

I now realize that my role in the military contributes to the greater mission and purpose of the Army. I may not be on the front lines, even though there are no front lines, but my mission as the S-1 NCO contributes to the cycle of violence that I strongly oppose. Today's Army trains every male and female to kill, following the motto, "everyone is an infantryman first." Because I do not believe in taking another human beings life, I, in no way, can remain true to my beliefs by being a part of this training that is geared towards ending human life.

(5) Acceptable Uses of Force: I am not a Pacifist, because I believe that making peace involves action. It is unfortunate that we live in a fallen world; evil does exist, and will continue to exist despite all of our efforts at making peace. I wish I lived in a world where I could walk home after dark and not have to be escorted by males- I’m currently living in Camden, NJ, the 4th most violent city in the United States. In Camden, I am not invisible to the eyes of the males with harassing stares and obvious motives. It is difficult to release the bitter hatred that built up in my heart as men in Cairo, Egypt verbally assaulted me. I wish that I could have done more to address the sexual comments made about myself and other females by males in the Army- even from our own unit.

If someone on the street attacked me, I would use every measure of self-defense, or expect someone from my accompanying party to protect me in a way that does not severely harm the attacker. Yes, it does take force to physically remove an opponent, just as it would take as much force to directly place one-self in front of that opponent to protect the one being attacked. I would not, however, want my attacker to receive more brutal force than is necessary to prevent him/her from the original attack. I find that an appropriate use of force is only acceptable when defending those who are defenseless. I think this is ideally the role of the police force and a positive goal of the U.S military. I do agree with the use of the police force only because it is accountable to a larger entity. Historically, in dealing with international conflict, the military has lacked in accountability with little regard for international interests or responsibilities. The very premise of the military, not just the U.S military, but also all militaries, is to attempt peace through violence. However, because of the massive scale of war, the end result is typically that another party of the “defenseless” is severely injured or killed. Justification for the use of force is effective only as much as the result - injury or death - is acceptable to one’s human conscience. I am not the judge of any other human conscience, I can only speak for my own: To me, any amount of force that results in the death or serious injury of another human being is absolutely unacceptable.

(6) Demonstration of Consistency and Depth: This process that simply started with questioning my role as a “Christian soldier” during my last semester of College turned out to be quite a bit more than I expected. I wanted to know more about the current situation in Iraq because I wanted to understand how I could contribute a year of voluntary deployment to helping the Iraqi civilians and live as a witness of hope among fellow soldiers. My servant’s heart that desired to help people in need cried, “I want to go over there and help fix the mess!” The shocking reality was the realization that I am the mess. I represent everything the military stands for when I wear the uniform. I represent not only our declared “War on Terrorism”, but also all of the wars in the history of humanity fought in the name of religion. Once I started addressing some of these convictions, my lifestyle at Johnson Bible College dramatically changed. I lost most of my friendships due to misunderstandings in the person I was becoming. To my friends at Johnson, I was the girl who wanted to save the world by doing relief work in the Middle East and gung-ho about the Army. That was the established identity I had for the past 4 years at school. It was very hard for my friends to accept the changes that were occurring in me.

This was a turning point for me at Johnson: I used to be seen as “someone who would do great things for the Kingdom”, but once I started disagreeing with everyone I became “too radical” and “theologically confused.” My attitude was horrible. I adopted a rebellious spirit because I was sick of being in a bubble completely ignorant to a world of emerging pain. It was not just the military that I struggled with- I was angry with the entire focus of my educational plan for the past 4 years: I knew more about the hermeneutical contextualization of the Bible than the global war on poverty; I knew more about unreached people groups (where there are no churches) than large-scale people groups that are suffering; I knew how to translate the entire epistle of 1 John from the original Greek language, but I couldn’t prove my love for God in the midst of broken relationships. It pains me now that I know more about the care and use of the M16A2 firing rifle than the innocent Iraqi civilians who have lost loved ones due to our fear of “weapons of mass destruction.”

(7) Demonstration of Lifestyle Change: I moved to Camden immediately following my graduation at Johnson Bible College. For the past four years, I studied and trained to live in a third-world country across the ocean. Now, because of the recent development and change in my beliefs, I want to first simply live as a person of faith in my own backyard. I have intentionally moved to Camden to live in community with other like-minded believers. My new group of friends and I live in what is called an “intentional faith community.” We share our resources, income, debts, time, relationships, pain, and lives with each other. I have been learning so much about the toll my life has on others, especially the stamp I leave upon the environment. I have adopted vegetarian habits and try to only eat meat when I know its source. Because I believe that my life is accountable to a larger entity (God), I now see how my very lifestyle affects other people's interests. The lifestyle of being a Vegetarian is simply a way of conserving resources. The majority of the U.S clean water supply is used to hydrate cattle and farm animals that we consume, and a large portion of the third world is dying of dehydration. I rarely shop for clothes anymore, and just three weeks ago I pulled two large trash bag’s worth of clothing that had a strange origin on the tag. I used to drive a Jeep Wrangler, but decided last month that I needed to sell it because of the waste of gas money, the toll that gas plays on the environment, and the aggressive mode I adopt every time I get behind the wheel. I left my Jeep in Columbus, OH, and now bike and take the Greyhound bus for long distance trips. I have even become more aware of my coffee selection. I will only drink coffee if it is fair-trade, as opposed to the 3-4 café mochas I used to gulp down every drill weekend from Starbucks. In the near future I would like to go to the West Bank with a Christian Peacemaker Team. I represented their organization at a music festival in early July. This organization is dedicated to making peace in war-zones. They currently do not have teams in Iraq because of the war, but as soon as the opportunity opens up, I plan on going to Iraq to help the people who have lost so much.

CO process, phase 1

Hey all, I really need to get an update out, and start a small discussion. As most of you probably know thanks to the networking genius of facebook, I’m ENGAGED! Holy crap….I said when I was very young that I’d get married @ 23, that’s so strange in a new age “the secret” kind of way. I’ve met my match, and knew he was just that very early on. Finally- someone who smells worse than I, someone who gets turned on when I fart in his face….oh the love. We plan on marrying on the North Shore in Hawaii on November 11, Veteran’s Day! It will be a very simple ceremony, the exact opposite of what I expected I always wanted in my wedding.

Well, I’d love to update but there will be more time for that later. I’ve got bigger fish to fry at the public “church pitch-in.” Recently, I have decided to apply for official status as a Contentious Objector in the military. I realize now, after 4 years at Bible College, that my faith in God forbids me to kill people, or in my case, train to kill people. I am still wrestling with the issue of whether or not I want to request for complete separation, or remain in the military as a “noncombatant.” Technically, I am in a noncombatant position now as an Admin/Support person. The conflict I am facing is training each year with the rifle, and having to use that weapon should I get deployed to Iraq.

I would be curious to hear from my friends in the Bible College/Scholarly network on this issue of militarism. I already feel strongly that there is no such thing as a “just war.” What I’m struggling with now I think relates just as much to a Christian who finds themselves working for a business whose values conflict with everything the Bible stands for. Can you be part of a system yet spiritually remain pure from what that system stands for?

To Theo-

I just started taking a class on the gospel of Luke, taught by the, “Alternative Seminary.” Alternative Seminary courses bring the academic “meat” to people who want the feast of meaning found in the scriptures hidden behind the historical and cultural context, yet cannot afford to dine at the high-end institutions where the scholarly appetite is fed. My classmates come from a variety of backgrounds- a mix of oppressors and the oppressed, benefiters of the system and those who suffer under the system, Bible College grads and recovering drug addicts. Most of the people in my class have never read the gospel of Luke, or any book of the New Testament. They approach the scriptures with hungry eyes, curious about Jesus, but well knowledgeable by experience about the social context our “Jesus” found himself in. This brings so many exciting dimensions to the discussion- there is a freedom of questioning that I never found in Bible College. In the semester course I took over Luke at Johnson, I found myself jumping in my chair because we did not dig deep enough into the radical message Jesus has to say about the social, economic system we are a part of. The gospel of Luke is good news to the poor, and even greater news to the rich- there is another way of living! Why did we not address these “hard sayings” like, “turn the other cheek, take no thought for what you are to eat or wear, leave your family behind, LOVE your enemies.” Am I missing something because I thought Jesus said DO what the word says- don’t merely listen to it, discuss it, exegete it, make a sermon out of it…..when the hell did the gospel become just something “that’ll preach!?”

I gained an interesting insight into the context material of Luke last night, particularly WHO it was and is addressed to. We all know that Luke addresses his gospel to Theophilus, his wealthy patron. Yeah, Luke butters him up in the opening statements because he is, after all, the financial moo moo behind the book. This address echoes something Josephus wrote; Luke is repeating the literary form of this time. Whatever the case, Theophilus is obviously someone who is benefiting from the Roman Empire, someone with power, wealth, privilege- WE ARE Theophilus. I benefit from this damn empire everyday, and am usually totally clueless as to how my cheap and easy American lifestyle is not so cheap and easy to those who make it cheap and easy. Does anyone understand what I’m saying? It’s almost like Luke is communicating underneath his brown-nosing rhetoric, “Hey Theo- this gospel stuff is for you to, it’s revolutionary, everything you’d expect it NOT to be. Yeah, it’s for the poor….you know, the poor you are making poorer everyday, but it’s also for you- how you can change your life so that by financial distribution everyone can benefit.” Let’s not forget the Old Testament, where true worship is taking care of the helpless widows and orphans. This same theme is all over Luke’s gospel…..and who is our poor, helpless widow today, and what about all of those orphans?

Are you helping the poor helpless widow when your tax dollars contribute to the funding of “empire militization” and the spread of “democracy” all over Iraq? Those tax dollars are funding the death of thousands of Iraqi children. Here is an excerpt from a book I’m reading, “Other Lands Have Dreams”, that details what is happening to the children in Iraq as the result of our invasion to search for “weapons of mass destruction.”

“In Children’s wards, tiny victims writhe in pain, on blood stained mats, bereft of anesthetics and antibiotics. Thousands of children, poisoned by contaminated water, die from dysentery, cholera, and diarrhea. Others succumb to respiratory infections that become fatal full-body infections. Nine hundred sixty thousand children who are severely malnourished will bear lifelong consequences of stunted growth, brain deficiencies, and disablement. At the hands of U.N/U.S policy makers, childhood in Iraq has, for tens of thousands, become a living hell.”

So, back to church life in America, where patriotism, nationalism, and militarism are easily applauded. I cannot tell you how many church services I’ve been at on Memorial Day where I’ve been asked to stand up, because of my soldier duty, and receive a warm thank you and recognition for my service. There’s also the picture boards we have up front that “Thank Our Troops” who serve. I think I’m pictured on a few…..that’s a scary thought. They might as well frame me next to my buddy Theo.

So these are just some of my thoughts- not a homily or 10 minute sermon nugget. There’s even bigger thoughts on my mind: Logan and I have been doing some God dreaming lately. We want to start a G.I Rights Coffee Shop for soldiers, vets, family members of soldiers and vets, and anyone and everyone else hoping to understand more about these issues. This would be in Hawaii of course, home to over 25,000 active, reserve, and retired soldiers. Maybe of the course of time, encha-Allah, the coffee shop could be duplicated in Indonesia. I’m so freakin’ excited I cannot stop thinking up menu items and coffee drinks in my head. It’s a latte brainstorming right now.

Unconditional Love For The One

"I have been blessed with beauty, I have been blessed and continually pray to be blessed with wonder, I have been blessed with physical strength…..but the one thing I do not yet have but fervently pray for is to be blessed with the ability to love unconditionally….

I want to be able to love a man in such a way that my love for him is not determined by his love for me. I don’t want my love for my man to be determined by how good he makes me feel, poems, flowers, dessert surprises, or “jerseys”…. I want to love him with a love that has no limits, modeled straight from the heart of God. On the days he sends my head soaring in fear and emotions, I want to be able to thank him for sending me to my knees before Jesus; On the days he forgets to call and keeps me up worrying, I want to be able to keep a pure, non-judgmental concern for his business that kept him occupied; On the days he doesn’t meet my expectations, I want to be able to examine myself and the ways I could be failing to meet a Godly expectation for him; On the days he answers phone calls in the middle of a serious conversation in which I cannot find the right words to express my emotions, I want to exercise patience and lovingly forgive him; On the day he decides he’s moving across the country for a remarkable job opportunity, I want to be able to trust his judgment in the decision for the good of our relationship; On the day, and if the day should ever come, that he breaks my heart into a million pieces, I want to be able to say that I still love him, because my love for him has no limits- my love for him is unconditional."

"The Centurion Evangelical"

“He breaks the arms of the peacemaker who speaks of war”

I cried myself to sleep last night
Under the paper cross that hangs on the wall by itself
Where once stood faces and unnamed places
mapped territory of hidden adventures
treasures in heaven

I reached out for a knotty pillow to tuck under my arms
To imitate holding onto Jesus
Who holds onto the named slave laborer that made my pillow
purchased from Wal-mart
Thieves consume

I pulled the silky comforter over my chilled body
From inward hatred of my centurion sin upon that cross
Waiting for my Evangelical Ego to be destroyed
prideful imagination of a glorious biography
moth and rust destroy

I will crawl into the house of God as my brothers and sisters mournfully pass me by. Maybe the man in the white robe will scoop up my disfigured body and carry me for the next mile or so.

I think I have you beat Jabez- my name is warrior.

honest to God confessions from Washington, D.C

I absolutely love the stories of missionaries, old and young martyrs, persecuted theologians, misunderstood reformers, courageous women deprived of rights, and tonight- young peace activists. I have always been encouraged by these stories, yet longing for one to call my own, I have always wanted my own story. Maybe I tried to create a story for myself:

[The curtain unfolds with leading lady, Tracey Harmon, the brave and beautiful soldier for Christ. She enlisted in the United States Military at age 18 seeking adventure to tame her courageous spirit, and, to live out her faith among the secular barbarian whom the church ignores- most “Christians” plug into churches, Tracey plugs into the world of the grunts! Not only does have a “real” background on her resume, she is willing to take the gospel to the third-world barbarian, risking her very life in the entire process. Having traveled to Egypt, Pakistan, Syria, and Indonesia, her heart for “converting Muslims” exceeds the risks, emotional pain, suffering, and fear (after she gets off of the plane). She has the credentials as a “real” Christian, because she comes from a “real” non-Christian background. Oh yes, life for her was so difficult in these circumstances….being labeled as “missionary of the family” and being financially funded to travel all over the world. Having a non-believing brother that is so concerned for environmentalism and social justice issues that he verbally attacks her life’s ambition. Shall we even venture into her life’s atrocities and set backs? A…break up! Emotionally challenging conflict at Bible College! Oh the tragedies! This brave young women has truly stood the test for greatness, her experience in training for combat arms has prepared her for whatever she may encounter on the mission field. Tracey Harmon was made for greatness. CLOSE curtain.]

I think Jesus has a different idea about this life, maybe he has ALWAYS been trying to say something different. He says, if you want to save your life, you will loose it. Was I trying to “save” my life? Or, create an entire world of fantasy…living out and writing exactly what I’d want my biographer to say. God, all I ever wanted to be for you was BIG and known. I wanted fame, and used you as a platform. I’d be lying to say I’m free from that disgusting attitude, because I’m not. When I hear, “you were made to do BIG things for God” I think, “hell yeah…take one look at me and you’ll know of course I was!” Something has been shattered in God's tent of meeting, a place that for now terrifies me to enter into, and it is this very process I will be trying to account in these ramblings.


Now, tonight, I feel like just a face in the crowd, just another girl at a coffee shop tying away on her mac, just another listener at peace conference to the stories of people who HAVE made a difference for peace. What the hell could I possibly do right now? For God, and…for the sake of humanity? I have heard that the first thing is believing we are capable of change…..for it is the thoughts that manifest themselves into behaviors, and behaviors into action. SO…I’ve got to change the way I think, about myself and about life right now- because this is all I’m seeing here in Washington Fucking D.C:

Green is not green; green is red
The sun is not radiant; it is always fading
An M’ & M’ melts into fat; the damn candy stays tone in my hand
Love is not sweet; love is pain
Honeysuckle smells like a weed; not the rebirth of summer
12 casualties is a number; not 12 human lives-

There’s a lot of names on the Vietnam memorial wall, not human lives
The Holocaust pisses me off because there is another Holocaust occurring among Palestinian refugees

Has the machine turned me into a machine? Tonight I heard a testimony from Shane Claiborne at the Sojourners emerging leaders dinner. He told the story of how the community loves and has accepted 2 soldiers: 1 being my boyfriend whom I love to the point of mental exhaustion wrapped in pain and joy; and 2, the story of Jesse. When Jesse was at basic training, he wrestled with the religious conviction of using his weapon, the M16A2 firing rifle. The weapon got heavier and heavier every day, until one day he told his Drill Sergeant he could no longer carry the weight of his rifle. The Drill stopped the marching formation, got straight up in his face, ripped the American flag patch from his uniform and yelled, “A piece of shit like you does NOT deserve to represent this flag!” The Drill made the entire platoon march in circles around him and curse, to the point where Jesse escaped and fled to the highway. A woman picked him up and took care of the A.W.A.L soldier to return home. Jesse was later arrested and discharged from the army- he immediately joined the Simple Way community, the only place of acceptance he found.

That story brought me to tears tonight. Not because of the impact of good Christian lovin' and acceptance, but personal lament over my cold, heartless spirit. I have been in Jesse's shoes, but I didn't listen to the spirit of God and his compassion for people who suffer from violence. I named my weapon "Philly" and treated it like a damn toy. What kind of God-filled spirit person must I be! You see, I'm the one that WOULD pull the trigger on the approaching Iraqi refusing orders from the convoy. I'm the one that WOULD be swept away in the crowd by Hitler's eloquent speech, disallusioned like the rest of them that the war was for the good of the American, oops, I mean German people. I don't feel like a leader, nor even a follower....just a spectator, which is the greatest evil in my mind right now.

"This Is Mine"

"God I cant do this. I just have this gut feeling, this feeling of life and the real world, people change…circumstances change…my God you never change. You are holding my heart right now aren’t you? What do you think of my faith? Do you think its childish, selfish, completely rooted in finding your ultimate will as opposed to seeking you in the daily things. God I cant breath. I’m just waiting to be rejected. This Iran trip is good, it will give me something to pursue. I need backup plans, I need something God! I need to know your will! What am I doing at Johnson! I absolutely hate the school, I feel like I have lost myself in the academic mold of whoever the hell I’m supposed to be. I used to be wild and free, now im just institutionalized. I hardly read the books, they are SO boring! I want to dance, I want to act on stage, I want to travel the bazaar of Cairo and strip naked on a nude beach in Brazil. Love is too painful. How could you love us? We turn our backs against you, we are liars, thieves, hypocrites!!! Oh my God….make me real, I pray your light shine through me, I NEED your strength right now, make me courageous. Live in courageous."

A Spiritual Plee

"I wish I could fly away on the wings of Jesus and he would take me to some unknown shore and reveal to me the mysteries of life

First I would ask, hold me

Then he would take me under his right wing and hold me closely upon his breast shoulder, we would sore above the mountains through swirls of air, and peer down and the houses in darkness below

He would say,

Tracey, FEED MY LAMBS

At this exact present moment I look at him and say,

JESUS, I cannot. I am not good enough. I don’t know you nor love you enough. You can’t possibly want me to do this.

Then he would say, TRACEY…my grace is sufficient for you, I died for you because I love you so much. I am not your earthly Father…I am your heavenly Father and I care about you more than anything in the world. I want the best for you my child because you are mine and you belong to me. I remain in you and I will shine through you if you let me. Let me love you Tracey girl

Ok Jesus, love me. Show me your love that I may dispense it to the world….to the Muslim women under oppression."